At the ripe old age of 21 I already know a few things about myself that will never change: I’ll always rather eat out than cook, I sleep in my jewelry and I refuse to eat healthy on holidays.
Nothing irks me more than articles that say, “Swap your sweet potatoes for steamed carrots on Thanksgiving. You’ll still fit in your skinny jeans on Black Friday.” Um, no. You and your slim behind can stand in line for 7 hours, I’ll sleep off my starches in sweat pants.
My family typically spends Thanksgiving with my mom’s family. We eat Thanksgiving dinner at a Country Club or Hotel. It may be a bit untraditional, but I get to dress up on my Thanksgiving and eat cannolis so that is obviously what truly matters ;).
I learned how to hide eating
fifteen extra cannolis on Thanksgiving before I went to Kindergarten. My lovely father moved my mother from Oklahoma to Fort Worth in her twenties. She had no friends and my meme’s advice to her was, “Go make friends with the ladies at Neimans.” Needless to say, my best friends before I had to go to school were the ladies at the Bobbi Brown and Chanel counter. I learned a very valuable life lessons before my 5th birthday: lipstick and sequins hide everything. Convinced you have wrinkles? No biggie. Put on hot pink lipstick and everyone will look at that instead. Need to lose 5 pounds? No ma’am. You just need to throw some sequins on. I promise your aunt will comment more on your festive little Great Gatsby-esque outfit than your cousin’s newfound obsession with Crossfit.
Billy, my God of a hairdresser, if you are reading this I swear it’s the flash. My roots aren’t THAT bad.
(Forgive me Lord for lying.)
So ladies, raise your daughters at Neimans. They will turn out to be lipstick-loving girls that will actually eat your food on Thanksgiving and save your money by not Black Friday shopping.