When you announce a pregnancy with a third, the remarks are all over the place. Those who have three tell you that the Party of Five is where you’ll thrive. Those wide-eyed at large families ask if this was on purpose. But in each comment, there is an overarching sense of, “Buckle up! It’s going to get ROUGH!“

As a practical firstborn myself, I wanted details. What gets rough?! Is it needing to be at three activities at once? Is it life at home? Is it close age gaps?! Is it large age gaps? Is it the mental juggle? Is it our culture? Motherhood and siblings aren’t new to mothers of three, so what exactly is the tipping point? And why is three so controversial? People go on to have larger families… what am I missing?

I never really found concrete answers, so – true to form-  I waited almost 18 months. Lived it. And then took thoughts to keyboard.

And because clarity is kind, please know this post is in no way encouraging specific family sizes over another. I come from a family of two girls, and it could not have been more perfect. One of my best friends (an only child) has a relationship with her mom that would leave us all in awe. And my mom is one of four! Instead, this post is my “big sister” love letter to other moms pregnant with their third. The dark hole of the internet is filled with enough negativity for a lifetime and children only bring light!

Three is no Olympic feat. I have friends who juggle four and five beautifully, but something about the jump from two to three hits a cultural nerve. I don’t pretend to have the full picture; parenting has a way of proving how little any of us actually know. It changes each stage and season, but I do think the age gaps between your kids shape a lot of your experience: the pressures, but also the wins.

For example, I didn’t have the “two babies under two” stretch, where many parents feel wiped out at home. But I’ve absolutely had this season where I had to be at multiple activities at once while nursing a baby in the passenger seat. There isn’t a universal “hard.”Whatever transition you’re going through — whether from one child to four — owning your reality is the most helpful. 

Here is what has helped me transition to being a mother of three! 

1. Logistics Matter – You hear it all the time: “I treated motherhood like a job.” I’m pretty organized and have always thought of course?! It is a job!  But this phrase didn’t really click until I had Hunt. I heard someone once say, “I’m a better mom to four kids than I was to two kids, because I can’t wing it.” I understand her reasoning. I’ve had to get more deliberate: printed schedules, a monthly menu on the fridge, even writing out a calendar for my mom so I can remember to tell her about school performances and recitals. More kids means more variables, and you start to understand that preparation is protective, not perfectionistic. For someone else, it might be meal planning; for me, it’s structure.
2. Use my Village Differently– In this season of life, I joke I’d rather have sanity than have fun. Going out to dinner is nice, but sometimes hiring a sitter on a random Tuesday so I can get two kids to different activities and get the baby down is what actually keeps the household functioning. I had someone ask me this summer how I take three to the pool alone. The answer is: I’d rather have a sitter accompany me to keep three kids safe in a pool than make it to a birthday dinner with my husband. When it comes to water safety, keeping a baby out of the heat during baseball practice, or being fair to my children’s patience, that will always take precedence over going out to dinner. I have certainly reallocated how I budget and plan to use sitters in this season of life, and I am thankful for neighbors, sitters, and helping hands stepping in when I need extra!
3. Know Your Hard– Again, this is nuanced; you may have had one traumatizing birth or one tough season of PPD. *But* I have found that general stages land the same by the third. Is the newborn stage hard for you? Postpartum? 18 months? I think there is a reality there that you have to go into that stage knowing your reliance on the Lord is going to be greater. You have more children needing you during your “hard” time, and you must cling to what fills you up. I find age one to be far more “all hands on deck!” than the newborn stage. It’s the other way around for other friends of mine. But my friends who have had three and four children all agree the stages didn’t change, even though children are all different.
4. Add a Child, Let Other Things Go– One area I’m in awe of Gen Z with is their boundaries! My sister always tells me, “Katey, is this benefiting your babies or your bank account? If not, ignore it!” This is the exact opposite of how Millennial Moms live and breathe. I do think we were taught, “You can do it all,” with no playbook. And now there is a wave of cultural awareness that says, “But maybe….maybe I’m not designed to do it all?” I have about 56 unread texts at all times. With one or two children, I’d feel a nudge of guilt. Now? I feel none. When there are more needs inside your home, you have to remove the guilt of the needs and roles outside of your home.

Yes, three kids means more—more planning, more laundry, more to coordinate, more sick days, more need for help. People love to warn me, “Just wait until Hunt starts sports!” and sure, that day is coming. I’ll be trading a busy baby at home for a busier life outside of the home.

But if you’re pregnant with your third and trying to decode all the noise, here’s the real truth: “more” can also be good. Really good.

More logistics just means you get better at them. You get more confident in your rhythms. The big kids love to help more. And when your family steps in on the days you can’t be three places at once, you get a glimpse of the village you are creating.

For me, 0–1 was the hardest.
1–2 was the easiest.
2–3 has been the sweetest.

And maybe the most surprising part of all is how much lighter the emotional load feels the third time around. I overthought every stage shift with my first two, crying at the thought of leaving the preschool era. I’ll even say that while 1-2 was my easiest transition, it was one where I was consumed with guilt. Throughout my entire second pregnancy, I couldn’t fathom how you could love two equally. When Harry was born, I was obsessed with equality in quality time. And looking ahead, I couldn’t fathom parenting a 10-year-old. But now, with Maxi turning nine soon, I can confidently say I love this stage. I can’t believe how much I have delighted in each moment as they get older. And I don’t obsess over it all. If they aren’t having one-on-one time with their dad or me, they have their best friend, their sibling, playing alongside them. Perhaps what I’m saying is that the “heavy” you feel in stages with your first lightens with your third. You become a little more Hunt, Gather, Parent. Things don’t seem as big. You mature in ways and become more laid-back in others. Not less organized—just less tightly wound. The overwhelm softens. The delight grows. You see the fruit of parenting right before your eyes, as your big kids adore the baby. The logistics of life may get busier (and inevitably they do as children get older, even without adding more), but the physicality of parenting lessens.

At church last week, our sermon quoted one of our pastor’s phrases: “Quality time only comes from quantity time.” It’s true. The more time you spend in the thick of life with your kids, the more moments there are to enjoy.

While the perfect family size is the one you have, consider this my contribution in opposition to the clickbait articles about three children being the most difficult. My challenge to a pregnant mom is to ignore the impolite comments. Is three more work than one or two? Of course. Four is more work than three. The math is predictable. But what is not predictable is the margin, love, and capability the Lord has instilled in you. And for me, a novice outnumbered mother, three has been the pack that cares for one another.

And in each logistical juggle, you get a glimpse at the village your children will be for one another when you can no longer carry them. Whether you are having your first, your third, or you’re a seasoned mother to young adults, can we all just say “more” in life can also be so very, very good.