5 Things About Our Marriage

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Dress: Nordstrom [true to size!], Similar [Less expensive!] | Heels: Valentino, Similar [Less expensive!] | Lipstick: Neon Azalea

Photography by: Angie Garcia


Thank y’all so much for taking the time out of your day to help complete the COF survey yesterday! I got so many wonderful responses and read every single one of them! My editorial calendar is filled with ideas and this helps me SO much for when I work with brands. I’m able to say, “This is what my readers want, so let’s find them sales or collaborations that help them.”

One thing y’all did say you wanted to know more about was our marriage! I wasn’t sure what y’all wanted to know [seriously let me know in the comments] but I thought I’d start with 5 little things about us and our marriage to help you get a better idea. 🙂

1. He’s No Instagram Husband

This video floated around the internet the last few weeks and it is hilarious. It’s a cheeky play on husbands that take their wives’ photos and how they feel about it. Lots of people sent us that video in a lighthearted manner and said, “Oh my gosh! Is this Paul?!”

While completely hilarious, that’s not Paul’s personality at all. To be honest, he is more supportive of my blog than I even am myself. When we started dating I was in college and interning at a PR firm. My job was working with bloggers and he saw what I did on a pretty regular basis. He kept saying, “Why don’t you blog?” He would always tell me that he knew I could do it and it came up in lots of conversations. I have an autoimmune disorder that affects my skin a lot, so he knew I was well versed on products and tips and tricks.

One day I was working at his apartment and he looked at me and told me to go home so I could start a blog. He knew I’d never take the time to do it and he said he wouldn’t sit and watch me help fulfill someone else’s dreams, when he knew I could fulfill my own and help others.

So, I went home, called my best friend, Kristin, and COF was born. [Kristin and I had talked about blogging for years, but no one ever got us to sit down and do it!]

So does he mind taking my photos? Absolutely not. On our honeymoon he kept joking when people would say, “Isn’t your husband annoyed taking an outfit photo?” He’d say, “Wait, why wouldn’t I want to take a picture of my beautiful bride?!” [insert me doing the heart eyes and embarrassed monkey emoji]

I’ll be walking in dinner and he’ll say, “Stop! You look so good, can I take a picture of you?” [And in my head I’m thinking, “Uhhh I’m breaking out, my hair is frizzy and I’m hungry! I’m a hot mess today. Heck no!]

I’m so thankful that God gave me a man who loves my dream and supports me to the fullest extend, because I know this wouldn’t be every person’s cup of tea. So while that video is hysterical, it isn’t his personality.

2. We Don’t View Things as Compromising

You do things the way you want to your whole life and then you get married, and you ultimately start to to be more focused on what another person wants, as opposed to your needs. In order to never get resentful longer down the line, we don’t necessarily view things as compromising. I want Chick Fil A. He wants Mi Cocina. We compromise on Pizza. A silly example, but with that no one really got what they wanted. Instead, we try to think, “Who does this matter to more?”

I’m not giving advice by any stretch of the imagination [we are newlyweds! So much to learn!!], but this really works for us. He never feels neglected because the home decor has leopard and I never feel annoyed that we go to lots of museums on vacation because he loves them. We just look at each circumstance and say, “Who cares more about this?” So in terms of dinner, it’s usually him. I like to cook meals that are his taste, as opposed to mine. He loves sweet potatoes [I don’t] but I like to cook with them a lot because it’s a little thing that I know he values a lot more than I do. He knows I get so into my shows [obsessed with Hawaii Five 0!] so he always lets me pick something on Netflix.

I never feel like I got the short end of the stick, and neither does he, we just view it like we are spoiling that person with something they care more about. Ultimately, we are obviously compromising, but we just try to view it as giving affection as opposed to settling for what we don’t want!

We also love to ask each other little things the other person prefers. Like when we get ready in the morning I always ask him what lipstick I should wear. He loves bright pink or nude [which is probably why I ALWAYS wear it! His opinion matters most, right?! 😉 ]. And he always asks me what cologne he should wear. It seems so silly and cheesy but it also makes it feel like we just started dating, and that gives you the butterflies that makes you want to let them have their Mi Cocina for dinner if they want it. 😉

3. Community Helps Keep Christ at the Center of our Marriage

We are both Christians and come from Christian homes, but entering another person in your relationship with Christ can sometimes be confusing. Do we do quiet time together? How often do we pray together? Do I tell him everything I’m praying for?

The best way we stay on top of these questions and find answers is through community in our church. We did pre-marital counseling which was a wonderful start! Most churches offer a program, and it was a really healthy way to start sharing your personal relationship with Christ with another person. Now that we are married we are part of our church’s Foundation Group. We are entered in a community group with a couple that is a leader. Us and 4 other newlywed couples meet weekly to go through curriculum and fellowship. This is a 15-month commitment and something that truly helps us stay open in our relationship with Christ and each other. Issues are brought up that you might forget about, or not know “what is the norm?” Talking it out with other believers as well as a couple you look up to helps us keep Christ at the center besides just church and our daily devotional time. We do bible studies separately with our friends [I have a group of girls I meet with, he does a guy one through our church], but this helps us study the word together!

I knew Paul was the one because he was the first relationship I kept feeling God’s love. Each time he surprised me with flowers, took me on a date, etc. I kept feeling God say, “I love you.” I wasn’t wondering, “Wait, what does that text mean from him?” or “Do you think this is sketchy?” He was honest, open and a complete and total reminder of how much God loved me, by how happy he made me. I think in order to always feel love in our marriage, we have to keep Christ at the center. Being human, we naturally wouldn’t do that. Community is such a gift that keeps it all in perspective.

4. Quality Time vs. Productivity

This is something I struggle with so much!! So I will not lie and say I’ve got it together. Every weekend I try to come up with a different way to balance it all. We bought an older home, so there is always a to do list! I think just being a home owner in general, you know there is always a hundred things you could be working on, as well as “life tasks.”

The weekends can be bittersweet because you know you have to get a lot done [fixing a leaky sink, running errands, baby showers, volunteering, church activities, birthday dinners] but a huge part of being a newlywed has meant I just want to hang out with my husband all day at home.

Friday nights we are both exhausted from work, so we typically cook dinner at home and get to bed early. I like to wake up early on Saturday morning and let Paul sleep in. I’ll get a spin class in, do a few loads of laundry and try to finish my to do list before 10. That way when he wakes up we can spend quality time together and not feel rushed throughout the day. But I also don’t feel miserable come Sunday evening because I know I got nothing accomplished!

At the end of the day, I will always have a to do list. I can’t answer every e-mail. I can’t respond to every text message. And I can’t commit to everything I want to. Paul comes first, and so if something is interfering with that [me being productive] I just have to not do it.

In premarital counseling we were told, “You’ll spend your whole life making strangers and acquaintances happy thinking your spouse will understand. You’ll stay later at work doing something that isn’t mandatory, you’ll sign up for something that doesn’t completely matter and you’ll go to every dinner you’re invited to. You’ll do this because your spouse is always there and “will understand.” But you don’t want to look back and think, “I neglected my spouse because they support me the most” at the expense of pleasing others, including yourself.”

This always keeps it in perspective and is a good reminder of when to say no to something or when to just quit trying to be productive.

5. I Wish I Would Have Seen Him Before our Wedding

I know, I know! It’s taboo. You wouldn’t have gotten “the shot.” But we got married in a formal church and so our photographers weren’t even allowed on the first floor of the sanctuary to photograph. They were in the balcony. The irony of it all. I also thought, “the first look” would outweigh waiting to see him all day. I was so nervous walking down the aisle I just wanted everyone to close their eyes so I could run up and hold his hand. You are with him the whole reception, but you’re talking to so many people you almost feel like you haven’t seen him in a week! haha! Someone told us to step outside for ten minutes during the reception and just soak it all in. But of course, that didn’t happen. So I really wish we could have done that before the ceremony. The fact of the matter is, your wedding photos are so unbelievably important, but your relationship isn’t a Pinterest photo. If you think you’ll be a happier and calmer bride seeing him before, do it girlfriend! If you think you’ll be happier in your heart knowing you waited to see him, stay traditional! Don’t follow others’ advice [including mine!!] just follow what will make you happy. Your wedding day is a memory of love, it’s not a memory of photographs.

What is something you learn from your marriage or relationship?!

XOXOKatey-2

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21 Comments

  1. Juliya wrote:

    Love this post and thank you for sharing!! I got married this October and relate completely. We chose to do a “reveal” before the ceremony as well as take family photos. It was a good decision for us because we didn’t feel like we missed a minute of cocktail hour and all our relatives felt like they were a part of the celebration. The whole process was photographed and filmed and is truly fun to look back on. It also made our wedding day feel longer! We didn’t rush and try to fit many things into a tight catering time frame.

    On another note, I missed the survey opportunity, but really want to share the following – you’re my favorite blogger because you talk (type)! Others will post cute fashion and makeup photos as well, but you actually discuss life and relevant, relatable issues! Thus, my feedback is – keep doing what you’re doing, sharing your life and fun personality! You reach a lot of people in a multitude of different ways. For instance, I’m not of the same faith as you, but I appreciate your relationship with God and the positivity and hopefulness that comes across in your blog as a result. I don’t jump over your faith simply because it doesn’t fit with mine. In fact, I read it because it’s different. I follow your blog to get a slightly different perspective, advice, idea; not merely on fashion and beauty, but life. A lot of bloggers are too sterile in their opinions and output; and I can understand why – trying to appeal to a broader follower base. But being disingenuous or uninteresting will simply earn them a “MEH, Unfollow!” And that’s why I say, keep doing your thing, girlfriend!

    Also, I would love to read about training a puppy in a house filled with pretty things, as well as what the dog’s “area” looks like.

    All the best to you and yours in 2016!

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
    • Katey wrote:

      Hi Juliya!

      Of course!! That was so smart you did that! I have a huge family so the entire time we were taking photographs I was antsy, just not wanting to miss a moment at our reception with Paul! So you definitely made the right choice! haha!

      Secondly, I just want to thank you for not writing my blog off because we don’t share similar faiths! I love hearing others’ perspectives as well and I respect you so much for being open to reading my posts, as opposed to skimming them over! That means a lot to me!

      And yes!! I definitely have a puppy post planned with her favorite things and schedule and how I give her her “puppy area.” Which is basically all the wood floor! haha. She loves to chew on coffee table books and I have two on the bottom of my coffee table. She chews on them and by the time I tell her to stop, she has already made a mark! haha. So I told Paul those are not moving for the next year while she gets out of her puppy mode! Otherwise she would do the same to whatever is at the bottom! lol

      Thank you so much for your feedback, I truly appreciate it!! Have a wonderful rest of your week and a happy new year!!

      xoxo,

      Katey

      Published 31 Dec 15Reply
      • Juliya wrote:

        Hi Katey!

        Yay!! Thanks for your kind response 🙂

        As to the puppy chewing on your books…are YOU ok? Lol! Isn’t it a tough battle between, “I love this fur ball so much” and “my BOOKS!!”? My friend’s sun room was destroyed twice since she got her dogs. I mean, obliterated! Furniture, vases, pillows, everything was chewed and torn to shreds. I sympathize completely! She actually started crating one of her dogs as a result. Not sure if that’s something you want to look into, but it’s helped her keep her house in order. The other thing she recently implemented is taking all the stuffing out of their toys. The dogs don’t care at all! They still play with the “deflated” toy. And the house stays clean! I’m probably making these dogs sound like crazed maniacs, but they’re so loving and friendly! Puppies are just curious and get into trouble out of boredom. Growing pains all around – for them and their new family!

        How do you feel about dogs in sweaters??

        Hope you had a wonderful New Year!

        Juliya

        Published 02 Jan 16Reply
  2. Clarissa wrote:

    This post made me cry! It’s beautiful and it makes me think so joyfully of the man in my life because that kind of support can never be taken for granted. My favorite posts are the ones with your words, and I love the idea of making decisions as a couple using “who does this matter to more?” as the foundation. It is so so perfectly put. Your marriage sounds so incredibly beautiful and you have been so blessed to find someone as wonderful for you as Paul seems to be. I love the way you appreciate the value of what you have. You inspire me to be a better friend, life partner AND Christian. Thank you for sharing. ALSO agree with commenter above- I am dying for a puppy post :).

    XOXO,
    Clarissa

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  3. Victoria wrote:

    I am in awe of this blogpost because despite all the scathing remarks you get from the internet you still share Christ. We know as Christians that Jesus said, “if the world hates you, know that it hated me first.” Because you are not “of the world” the world will not love you as its own. So still sharing how you have a Marriage based on Christ, despite that, is brave and truly incredible! The only marriage advice my mom ever gave me was to keep Christ in the center. With him you can’t fail!
    Thanks for the inspiring post!
    Xoxo

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  4. Katie wrote:

    What a beautiful post! I admire your and your husband’s dedication to putting God first in your relationship. Keep up the uplifting posts! 🙂

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  5. Katie wrote:

    What a beautiful post! I admire your and your husband’s dedication to putting God first in your relationship. And can we talk about that dress?! I mean, it’s GORGEOUS! Keep up the uplifting posts! 🙂

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  6. Jade wrote:

    I agree with the puppy posts! Also I love your marriage post. I’m engaged and we definitely are planning to do a first look for all the reasons you said above. But like you said, everyone is different!

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  7. Allison wrote:

    LOVE this post and your take on compromising! I’ve never heard it phrased quite that way. Definitely makes it more about the other person and less about what you want. Thanks for sharing!

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  8. I love this post!! I am a newlywed myself and can relate to each of these things! I love your posts. Looking forward to what you have planned for 2016!

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  9. Tori wrote:

    I loved this post! I am getting married in July, so this really spoke to me. I love what you said about quality time vs. productivity. That was something I think I (and my fiance) really needed to hear! I even took a pic and shared it with him! Keep doing what you’re doing girl! Your blog is one of my favorites, and I really enjoy when you talk about life. Thanks for sharing!

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  10. Stephanie wrote:

    I love that you shared the tid bit about the first look. I went against my families wishes and didn’t do a traditional cathedral wedding because of all the rules. I did a first look with my husband and I received the feedback I seemed to relaxed and content down the eisle even with my veil getting caught on the bridge I walked over. I couldn’t imagine not seeing my husband prior, I would have been a nervous mess.

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  11. Ashley wrote:

    You are truly incredible. I love everything you post. And I must say your parents must be incredibly proud of you! Not many girls your age have as much wisdom as you do. God has surely blessed you! My daughter is only 4 months old but I sure would love for her to be following your blog. Hehe! You are a blessing to so many. Keep on doing what you are doing!!!!

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  12. Laura wrote:

    Thank you for this post! I especially loved the quote from your pre-marital counseling. I also got married this past year but my husband and I didn’t have a religious ceremony so we didn’t go through counseling ourselves. Sometimes I wish we had, though, because it gives you a really good perspective on how priorities might change and that it’s ok to do that. I think we both struggle with making quality time for each other when we have jobs that constantly want us to work longer hours, a puppy who needs attention, etc. That quote really helps to remind me of what marriage is meant to be about and that it’s ok to prioritize my marriage and my little family over my to-do list at home and other engagements.

    In response to your question, I think my husband and I both learn to try to adapt a little bit more to each other’s preferences. I now have a husband who is happy to watch my trashy reality shows (ug, I know) and in contrast I have started to watch his crazy detective type shows. Same thing with what you said about going out to eat! Sometimes I know it’s really more important to me that we eat at a particular place, but I try to make sure I remember that for next time we go out so that my husband can choose then. It’s always a work in progress but I think that when I spend time remembering that my spouse is always trying to do things to make me happy, it makes me want to do the same- even though we don’t always get it right!

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  13. Gina wrote:

    Katey,
    You are definitely one of my favorite bloggers and one of the only ones I follow religiously. Reading your blog makes me feel like I’m having a conversation with my best friend. Every post shows your true personality and I think that’s why I enjoy reading it so much. Keep up the good work!

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  14. Courtney wrote:

    I wanted to add to your #5, about seeing your husband before walking down the aisle. For those who read this and think it is taboo and need another view of the situation. My husband and I did do the “first look” got the pictures, exchanged gifts and all that came with that. I can say that without a doubt that it was the one thing I would not have changed about that entire day (you always have some things you would like to have done differently, right?). Let me tell you I was so freaking nervous before I walked down to see him, but boy once I did everything melted away. Nothing mattered besides seeing him and enjoy one private moment together before the craziness of the day really started. If it hadn’t have been for our photographer suggesting it then I would have done the same thing as you, Katey. Don’t ever regret the things you did on that day though. Not everything works out, but it all happened for a reason and you still had your special moments that you’ll remember forever.

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  15. Jillian wrote:

    I just wanted to say that was one of my favorite blog posts I have read in a very long time! It really touched my heart! It really inspired me because it is not very often you read about a couple that do keep God in the center and truly respect the loving other. I have found it hard to find a man that loves Christ as much as I do, but it gives me hope! God really does shine through you! Thank you for the beautiful post!

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  16. Katelyn wrote:

    Katey,

    I first started following your blog for the fashion posts but have continued to follow because I enjoy the depth of your content and the openness you have in talking about Jesus in your posts. Thank you for sharing a glimpse into your life and inviting all of your readers into your home and family! I usually catch up on your posts while my husband watches football and he always leans over to ask “What are you reading?” I respond “Oh- My friend Katey’s blog.” He laughs because of course we don’t know each other IRL but reading your blog always feels like listening to one of my girlfriends share about their day.

    This year my husband and I will celebrate 2 years of marriage and I think the biggest thing we have learned is to always “communicate about communicating”. That way we are both on the same page and nothing gets “miscommunicated”.

    Hope you have a Happy New Year! Looking forward to following along in 2016!

    Katelyn

    Published 31 Dec 15Reply
  17. Abigail wrote:

    This was such a great post, I love what you said about marriage counseling and keeping Christ in the center of your relationship. I’m not married or in a relationship, but this post for sure gives me hope!! ?

    You should do another devotional and post a summary after each lesson/every few lessons!

    Published 02 Jan 16Reply
  18. Meagan Panter wrote:

    Love, love, love this post!!!!!!!! I love that you shared what you learned in premarital counseling! That is so helpful and true. I saved it on my phone so I can go back and read it and remind myself to always put my husband first!!!

    Published 03 Jan 16Reply
  19. Emily Burt wrote:

    Katey,

    I first heard about your blog from my best friend Victoria Hart. She had told me that we share similar tastes in clothes and style, and boy was she correct!!! I just wanted to tell you that I’m officially a fan!!

    I admire your boldness in regards to your faith. I so enjoy reading about your choices and recommendations on lipsticks and shoes, but even more than that, I enjoy that you are willing to talk about our Heavenly Father on this platform. Just know that you are touching so many lives, in so many ways!

    I’m so glad vic told me about your blog, and I wanted to let you know! Also, Peaches is my spirit animal! So stinking adorable!!! Makes my heart melt every time I see that adorable face.

    So all in all, thank you for all the awesome work you put into your blog!

    From one glitter enthusiast to another,

    -Emily

    Published 04 Jan 16Reply